He is just too sweet in that second one!
There Goes My Baby - Usher
It’s too hot *opens window* in comes 20 flies, 8 spiders, 17 daddy long legs, 50 moths, 3 dragons and 12 Jehovah’s witnesses.
The ultimate dad joke compilation
THIS IS MY DAD HE DOES ALL OF THESE THINGS AND MORE
- when i got an msn account i left it open like all the cool kids and somebody messaged me when he was checking something online and he was convinced they were a terrorist hacker and lectured them on how disappointed their mother must be in them
- my brother (who just turned 17 today) asked for suggestions for his birthday wish and my dad said “a rise in gold stock”
- he tucks in plaid shirts under his belt sometimes and doesn’t notice
- he once bought us all brand new cordless phones because he was convinced they were the future because they had an answering machine that could do accents
- thought an app on his phone he saw on tv could detect ghosts
- he once shaved off his moustache, changed his glasses/hairstyle, and sat at the table making zombie noises to scare us as we walked downstairs because he was bored. it didn’t grow back for a month
- whenever i want to fix a problem he directs me to the roll of electrical tape he gave me as a child
- he “fixed” my computer when i was working on changing the power supply and all he did was lose the cord that put power to the blu ray reader. he still thinks he “fixed” it
- his google search is zoomed in 200% but “that’s how it’s supposed to look”
- he thinks ancient aliens is real because “the tv can’t show fake things about the illuminati” and yells at you if you remind him it’s fake
- he shaved his moustache to look like “chaplin” (read: hitler) in the 90s to piss my mother off after a bet she lost and kept insisting it was a homage to charlie chaplin to everyone who asked
- always answers the phone in different accents to throw people off
- one time i got stranded in a blizzard at the mall without a coat or a phone and he circled the mall 4 times and missed me every time until i ran up to his car and flagged him down
- he got everyone a “firetruck” calendar for christmas and claimed it was sexy firetrucks. we all thought he meant firefighters. it was literal pictures of firetrucks taken on a digital camera.
- he showed up to the wrong house more than once to get me from sleeping over at my now-ex’s and was visibly upset when i didn’t answer the door
I feel like you would take a bite of that and be sent into space
Girls, romanticize yourselves. You are a queen. You are a warrior. You are an enchantress. You are a mermaid. You are a goddess. You are all of these things and more, you are the stuff of fairytales.
Women, traumatize others. You are a dragon. You are a wolf. You are a bump in the night. You are the last thing they see in the darkness. You are all of these things and more, you are the heart of their fucking nightmares.
My favorite story is that one time Tolkien was with some writer friends and he was like “oh I’ve got a new story to show you guys” and one of them was like “as long as it’s not more fucking elves”
and it was
it was more fucking elves
If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.
Emily Dickinson (via kushandwizdom)
"The hyper-sexualization of little girls and their bodies, as a mother, really bothers me. It plays into the sexualization of their bodies into their teenager years and adult life. It makes them grow up faster than they need to. Let them be little girls, have fun, be able to play in the playground and not worry about going on the monkey bars because someone’s going to see their underwear. Something like this constricts their movements, which affects the way they play."
Jenny Reid, a volunteer firefighter with Langford Fire Rescue, says the costume is not only offensive to women in her field, it’s also damaging to the self-esteem of little girls.
"That costume is awful and it sends the wrong message," she says. "It reinforces that there are still jobs that are off-limits to women. It’s not a representation of the real job. Little girls can do whatever they want. They shouldn’t be restricted. Those types of costumes put so many limitations on them. They don’t build the self-esteem and confidence you need to be a firefighter or police officer." " [x]